Hope Defined

I walked into an store the other day to look at furniture prices. Not because I could afford anything today, but I knew with my disability on the way, I could have my own home, my own life, my own dignity within the next 60 days. It was a exhilarating feeling like something I really haven't felt in a long time.
I mentioned this only because one of my friends stated that he had been staying homeless in his truck for so long, it doesn't bother him any longer. He had completely accepted the situation and his statement really made me cringe. The reason is simple.
Hope is the greatest aphrodisiac there is for life. On the other side of the coin, hopelessness destroys every aspect life. Health, mental state, nutrition, relationships. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Hopelessness cost the economy, community and self respect. Needless human despair questions the very foundations of religion, governments and humanity.
I traveled that road of hopelessness for a long time.
The human spirit is not capable to suffer without a cause and have any kind of hope for the future. It just isn't possible to do. Every person I have spoken to, I've asked, "Would you rather be sitting on your own couch watching T.V. in your own home right now or rather be homeless?" I can assure you not a single person out of thousands have ever told me that they would rather be homeless and suffering needlessly. I can tell you that a overwhelming majority though have no hope of that happening in their lifetime. In fact, never in life did I ever think I would see people so filled with hopelessness that I would watch individuals wait for their death with the same anticipation as a child waiting for Christmas morning.
To know "hope" defined, one really needs to know hopelessness defined and I wish I had never found out.

Only if I knew

If I knew I was going to get 25% more income being disabled than what I was toiling for in the workplace, I would've had a pacemaker put in 10 years ago.
If I knew life would give me a bowl of cherries with over-sized pits, I would've taken better care of my teeth.
If I knew every vote really counted in Florida but not the other 49 states, I would be living homeless in the Key's right now.
If I knew government bailout monies are given only to corporate people who do a lousy job, I would've finished college to be an A.I.G. Executive.
If I knew homeless people in Dallas don't have the right to have a home (NIMBYism), I would've started a cardboard box business.
If I knew it would be illegal to show compassion by giving food to another human being who was homeless, I would've spent more time doing outreach in Dallas City Hall than out in the streets.
Only if I knew.

Ouch

I tossed and turned last night. I had forgotten some of the negative impacts on ones health when living without a home. The cramps first started in my feet and than went up to my calf's. I could not find a comfortable position where the pain would go away.
The body loses much of the vitamins and particularly "potassium". Cramps become almost a nightly ritual.
I always thought that one of the best things a person can give to anyone on the streets would be a can of Ensure or some other vitamin fortified beverage. Certainly socks, shoes and other small needs are just as important for their health, but without proper nurishment, the suffering is compounded.

Shelters

I walked up the stairs with my world in hands. Others were falling into line, stopping at a desk where a man sat searching through peoples belongings. The metal detector was placed next to the desk for all "guest" to walk through before proceeding to the next line. At the next stage we were asked to show proof of I.D. and anything which was confiscated from our belongings, we were given a ticket to get those items when we were asked to leave at 6 AM the next day.
After getting assigned a bed or given a mat to sleep on, all "guest" were required to gather in a large room where we were given a quick lesson as to what the "Cardinal Rules" were.
Don't do this, don't do that, you can only do this at this time and that at this other time. You must do this and you must do that. Follow the "Cardinal Rules" or you will be asked to leave and forfeit your monies paid.
It is my own personal belief shelters are noble and compassionate. They show a humane side of humanity. We should always look out for our vulnerable stray animals.
As far as warehousing Americas' economic refugees, well I have a different opinion based on my experience. One misnomer is that some shelters are free. Free as defined in the dictionary means "without obligation." There isn't a human shelter in America which is free. All require a cost. In the beginning shelters functioned as a temporary place. Today sadly, some individuals have stayed in some of these places so long, they have litterally become institutionalized and could not live any other way. No longer shelters as much as human warehouses.
That is not to say some of those working or running these places are not compassionate or don't have a big heart. It's just saying that due to circumstances beyond their control, shelters have had to adjust and morph into something which today violates many basic human rights.
Freedom is Americas mantra. Freedom is the chourus which every American sings out proudly to the rest of the world. Freedom does not exsist in these human warehouses. No Constitution, no Bill of Rights, no All men are created equal.
While many will say that they don't stay in shelters because of the rules, I have found many are just reluctant to give up their American birthright.
People have asked me why I don't go and stay in a shelter until my benefits start. The answer is that I'm not willing to give up one drop of freedom based strictly on one fact. I don't have a home. Being homeless is not a crime!
I lost my housing, I lost my health and I lost my income. I even lost most of my hair and many of my teeth. But I did not lose my dignity, humanity and my desire to live free. The cost of a shelter is just to high for me.

Looking Forward

I've had some really good news lately. First, my S.S.D.I. has been approved and I only need to live on the streets for another 60 - 70 days till my first benefit check arrives. People have been contacting me and making some great offers until that time, but I'm certain I will be living outside of Dallas due to the cost of living.
Friends of mine from the past and organizations have contacted me and we hope something will come from meetings being held in the future that can directly benefit our homeless.
I still believe that not only should advocates have a voice concerning homelessness, but that we (the general public) should be able to hear from our citizens without homes, free from any outside influence or threat of retaliation.
I'm really looking forward to be able to advocate for our people without any strings attached. It's been 3 long years since I've been hog tied. I look forward to attending the City Council meetings and Commissioners meetings again. I look forward to working with other advocates and officially putting together a "Bill of Rights" for individuals without homes.
In the meantime, patience and survive. Much can happen in 60 -70 days.

Straight out of a story

Sometimes I feel like Anne Frank, other times like Huck Finn. Than there are days "One flew over the cuckoos nest", and the next "Catcher in the Rye."
Homelessness was never taught at Gooch Elementary or at T.C. Marsh Junior High. Nor did I learn anything at W.T. White High School about such current day physical, mental and economic devastation. Yes, there was "The grapes of wrath" but wasn't that eons ago. Didn't we put policies into place so something of that nature would never happen again? Families and individuals living in their vehicles, makeshift tents and shelters made of scraps. Isn't this something that happened in America almost 80 years ago? Science has advanced. Medicine has advanced. Economics has advanced. But what about humanity itself?
I wonder if the dark chapter of homelessness in America will ever be something we just read about in a book as oppose to seeing human suffering everyday on our streets?

My dread.

I tossed and turned most of the night. The once beloved holiday season is on the doorsteps and now today all I can feel is dread. Why? I know soon I will start to hear or read one of the most quoted statements when concerning our poor and homeless. "You will always have the poor among you." While this place isn't the proper forum to discuss my theology as to why Jesus recounted what God had stated in the Old Testament, I have to ask, "How many lives must suffer to justify or quantify this statement?" Would one person suffering not be enough? And to what level must one be in? Does a person have to be living under some bridge and getting their daily nourishment out of a dumpster or is it just enough for an elderly person not having enough income to afford both medications and paying their heating bill this winter? Do we need two people in this situation to fulfill the statement? How about 1 million or 1 billion? Is 2.5 billion lives enough as we have today in our world?
When will we reach enough needless human suffering to be enough; so we will no longer use our faith as a justification but instead a reason to change our community and even the world?
I look forward to the day I no longer dread this time of the year.